Time Heals All Wounds
by PeaceLoveGlamazon
Summary: It's been a month since Arizona cheated on Callie, a month of avoiding each other and a month of unresolved issues. Will Arizona picking up Sofia one night from Callie's apartment finally lead to the talk that has been a month in the making?
1. Chapter 1

A month of waiting up to an empty bed and everything still seems surreal; a bad dream that I am waiting to wake up from. A month of avoiding her face at the hospital, avoiding that super magic smile that I fell in love with. A month of staring at a hand where my ring once was, a month of Sofia asking when her mama was coming home. A month of trying to piece everything back together and I still feel as broken as I did in the moment I realized she broke a promise she made to me so long ago. I went through all of this before with George, these feelings of there being another woman, even in a moment where judgement was thrown out the window, these feelings were nothing new to me; this timebroke me down more than before. Her words echoed in my mind _"You didn't lose anything"_ is what she yelled; was she living the same life I was? I had to bury my best friend, the father of my child, and I had to figure out how to tell Sofia that her daddy was never coming to see her again. I walked around every single day with the fact I am letting her blame me for her leg because I didn't want her to hate Alex; she was the one who truly understood him. I lived with her hating me, giving me the cold shoulder and pushing me and Sofia away. I lived this life of pure hell because she wanted nothing to do with me, I dealt with it all alone because I refused to play the victim; yet I lost nothing? I went through hell with my parents with her, and I know her coming back from Africa and finding out I slept with Mark and was pregnant was a hard pill for her to swollow - but this? Her and I wasn't together when I slept with Mark, but we was married when she decided to...God I can't even bear myself the thought of thinking about what they did. My mind still seems to be stuck in that moment where we was standing in that room yelling. The last words I spoke to her was that I apparently lost her; and it's true because I did. We've seen each other, for Sofia's sake, but I haven't spoke a word. Everything I've needed to say has been on paper, I will write it down or text it to her; she doesn't deserve to hear my voice. What kills me more than anything though, is that I would give the world for her to call me Calliope again.

_"Mommy"_ Blinking a few times to snap me out of my thoughts, I look down in front of the couch to see Sofia's beautiful brown eyes looking up at me, a smile creeping across my lips as I bend down to pick her up and sit her on my lap. Sofia was the only person I had going through all of this, the only person who kept me going when I wanted to throw the towel in and give up; the only piece of Mark I really had left was Sofia. Bouncing my leg up and down as I kept smiling at her, I lifted my head up to see the time on the clock -7:25. Sighing softly, it was getting close to the time of the week I dreaded most. I was so glad Arizona still wanted to be in Sofia's life, and I was grateful for that, but I don't want to look at her. Usually we're both at the hospital and she can pick Sofia up from the daycare and I only need to see her when she brings her home; today just had to be different. She was coming here for the first time since right after she cheated and she came and got her clothes out of my apartment, and I just wanted to curl into a dark hole and hide until she left. This is one of the moments I truly miss Mark, because he would have Sofia and Arizona could pick her up from his place and let me hide just until I was fully ready to face her; now I have to do everything on my own and I truly hate it. Looking back down at Sofia, I leaned down and kissed her forehead. _"Mija, we have to go get your bag ready, mama is coming to pick you up in a few minutes, okay?"_ Mentioning Arizona sent Sofia into a happy laugh, clapping her tiny hands together as she slid down off my lap and onto the floor before taking off to her bedroom. Getting up off the couch, I slid the tip of my fingers across the table beside the couch where our wedding picture once sat. Taking a deep breath, I felt that lump in my throat form as I tried my best to push it down to the bottom of my stomach. As long as I could hold my composure until Sofia left, I could lay in bed with some ice cream and cry until I couldn't cry anymore. I just had to make it through letting Arizona pick up Sofia first. As I walked to Sofia's room, I leaned against the doorway a second and just watched her waddle around her room grabbing everything she wanted to take with her. My little princess was already acting so much like me, and she wasn't even in school yet. Walking in, I grabbed her little bag and sat down in the floor as I was willing to try to fit everything I could in that little bag; between that and everything she could carry she would be set.

_Ding ding ding_ Sofia took off at the first ding as I just pushed myself up to my feet. With Sofia's bag half packed, and the way her and I started playing with some of her toys, I had no idea it was already 7:30. Letting out a heavy sigh, I took a deep breath as I slowly walked towards the door. Arizona didn't ring the bell again, so she must've heard Sofia on the other side of the door; least she didn't just open it and come in. The closer I got from the door the more I just wanted to curl up into a ball and hide. My stomach was in knots and that lump in my throat was getting even bigger. _"Move, mija" _I manage to whisper once I reached the door, lifting my arm up as my hand grabbed the doorknob. I couldn't run away, I couldn't hide and I couldn't ignore her any longer. Slowly opening the door, flashbacks of when she came back from Africa hit my mind as I fought the urge to slam the door in her face. Really looking at her, however, my heart crumbled and fell to the bottom of my stomach. She looked like she hadn't slept in days, her blue eyes showed nothing but sorrow and pain instead of excitement and happiness. Her hair was in a messy bun, my favorite simple yet adorable hairstyle of hers. I wanted to just pull her close and kiss her like I did on our wedding day, but the fact she had her lips against another woman's just...ate me up inside. The only sound between us was Sofia giggling as Arizona bent down to pick her up; tears forming in my eyes as I finally opened my lips to speak. _"Her bag isn't ready, give me a second"_

_"Callie..."_

_"You can come in and sit down and wait"_ I didn't want to be so cold to her, but what else was I suppose to do? I can't just forgive her for Lauren, I can't bring myself to no matter how hard I try. Did I eventually forgive George? Yes, but this time with Arizona was so different. George and I were married, yes, but the spark in our marriage was gone before he slept with Izzie. With myself and Arizona the spark was always there until the plane crash, that crash changed everything. If she never would've taken Alex's damn spot in the plane none of this would've happened. Walking away from the door, I hurried back to Sofia's room because I didn't want her to see me close to tears. Grabbing Sofia's bag, I finished packing it as I heard the running feet of Sofia's coming towards me, Arizona's shoes also making a noise as I knew she was following m..our child.

_"Callie, stop running from me, please"_

_"Here is her bag, everything you will need is in there_" I whispered, standing up while looking down to zipper Sofia's little Dora the Explorer bag up, slowly looking up at Arizona as I handed the bag to her. Her eyes...that night in the bar when we taked in the bathroom, the first thing I noticed was her beautiful blue eyes and how they always had this sparkle in the corner of them; it's missing from them tonight. Handing it to her, I waited until she took it before bending down and kissing Sofia's forehead. _"Mija, be good for mama, okay? I'll see you in a couple days. Arizona, I'll pick her up from the daycare in a couple days, alright?"_

_"Calliope..."_ She was the only person I ever let call me that, my eyes filling up with tears as I heard the name escape her lips.

_"You..don't get to call me Calliope anymore. C..call me Callie like everyone else does_" the urge to cry was a constant slap in the face, fighting it back while I hugged Sofia as tight as I could, giving her a small kiss before standing up. _"I'll pick her up from the daycare, you can leave the bag there"_ I started to walk around Arizona as I felt her gently grab my left arm, the tears started flowing down my cheeks freely as I tried to process the words she spoke. I couldn't move, I could if I wanted to, but I felt frozen as she spoke. It's all I ever wanted, but at the same time I just want her gone from my life. At the same time, I need her, I miss her, I love her. God, I love her so much, I just don't know if love is enough this time. Crying as she spoke, I remained silent while the tears just kept falling from my eyes.

_"Calliope, I made a mistake. What happened that night...there is no excuse for my actions. What I said during our fight was unexcuseable, too. I know you lost a lot, too, and it was wrong for me to take out all my pent up anger on you. I'm so sorry, God Calliope I'm so sorry. I wish I could take it all back, but I can't. I..have some serious PSTD issues I need to work on, but I want you by my side. I don't deserve it, Calliope, but I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me. I miss you, I hate being apart from you and our child.I love you, please let me come home."_


	2. Chapter 2

_"Calliope, I made a mistake. What happened that night...there is no excuse for my actions. What I said during our fight was unexcuseable, too. I know you lost a lot, too, and it was wrong for me to take out all my pent up anger on you. I'm so sorry, God Calliope I'm so sorry. I wish I could take it all back, but I can't. I..have some serious PSTD issues I need to work on, but I want you by my side. I don't deserve it, Calliope, but I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me. I miss you, I hate being apart from you and our child.I love you, please let me come home."_

Was she seriously begging me? She really expects me to just let her come home, sleep in my bed or on my couch and pretend nothing happened? Her hand was still resting on my arm, and every emotion from wanting to kiss her to wanting to punch her in her face filled my mind. Instead, I just remained there frozen solid, turning my head a bit to finally speak while I choked back tears. _"I said don't...call me Calliope. You lost that right when you...you kissed Laure..."_ I couldn't even get her name out before I let out one quiet sob, sniffling my tears up quickly because I didn't want Sofia seeing me cry; she's seen enough of that since Mark died. _"Take Sofia and go, I know..you work tomorrow and you wanna spend time with her, don't you?"_ I know it sounded cold, and I didn't want to be so cold to the woman who was still my wife, but I couldn't look at her right now. I couldn't let her see me sitting here crying, she doesn't deserve to see me break down, she doesn't deserve anything from me anymore.

_"I love you, Calliope. I always ha.."_

_"Get out"_ I whispered, choking back on my tears as I jerked my arm away from her, wiping my eyes before bending down and giving Sofia one last quick kiss. _"I'll come visit you tomorrow in the daycare, Mija. I love you_" Standing up, I looked away from Arizona while just pointing to the door. _"I said get out"_ I repeated, the hurt coming out in my voice, it cracking as I held back tears; moving my head to her direction as her and Sofia walked out of the door, my little toddler stopping as she looked behind her as Arizona opened the door, her little words making me happy and making me cry harder at the same time.

_"I love yew, Mommy. Stop sad"_ Managing a smile on my face as Sofia turned back around to walk out with Arizona, I looked away because I knew Arizona would be trying to look at me to say something. Staring at a random teddy bear until I heard the door close, I felt my knees start to shake before I fell to them in the middle of Sofia's room, the sobs echoing the whole apartment as I just started punching the floor. I hadn't shown true emotion for months, Arizona swore the little tears I had that night were bad? I never really mourned Mark's death because I was so worried about being strong for her and Sofia and Derek and everyone else and I had to worry about fixing my marriage. I never had a second to just let everything hit and let it sink it, and I never had a chance to until I saw her scrub top on Lauren's body and everything just hit me like a ton of bricks. She will swear to the day she dies that I didn't lose anything because I wasn't on the damn plane; I lost everything. Laying on Sofia's floor wasn't going to do anything, I had to get things ready for work tomorrow. I hated going there anymore, the hospital just reminded me what happened with every second I was there. It used to be my safe haven, the one place I always felt at home in. Anymore it's just a constant reminder on how my life fell apart.

Pushing myself back up to my feet after my outburst, the tears still were fully falling from my eyes as I managed to wipe them enough times to make the short trip from Sofia's room to my own. I hated it in here, the memories that fill this room eat me alive every single day. Hell, the memories in this apartment eat me alive every single day. I feel like no matter where I go or what I do...everything reminds me of a memory I want to forget. As I gathered my things for work tomorrow and placed them on the dresser, my eyes caught a glimsp of a picture of myself with Arizona, Sofia and Mark. Shaking my head again as the tears fell down my face even harder, I grabbed the picture and tossed it at the wall across the room, falling down on the bed before punching a pillow. _"Why did you have to be on that damn plane? This would be so much easier if you didn't leave me!" _I don't know who I was yelling to, no one was home and if the neighbors could hear me they would probably think I was nuts. Honestly, I didn't care anymore. Sobbing into the pillow, I curled up in a ball and just let all the emotions out. Everything that had been building up for months since the plane crash just was coming out. All the pain and the hurt and the betaryal and and I couldn't stop. No matter how much I wanted to, I just couldn't stop crying.

I don't remember falling asleep, I just remember laying in bed crying, but I don't remember falling asleep. Rubbing my eyes, blinking them a few times I looked over at the clock while a yawn escaped my lips. _"5:20" _Groaning, I roll out of bed and head to the bathroom to take a quick shower before work. _"I knew I should've set a damn alarm"_ speaking outloud, I shook my head after speaking as I reached in the shower to turn on the water. I wasn't sure if I was losing my mind, or if I was just falling into a real deep depression, but I do know that I had to hurry to get to work on time. Standing in the shower, I closed my eyes for a split second just to have my mind flash back to the night Arizona and I got into it so bad because of a simple thing and I had to literally put her in the shower with clothes and everything on just to get her clean. Everything I did for that woman and she repays me by kissing her. Turning the water off, I try to think about something to get my mind off this - well the best I could get my mind off something this big. Getting out of the shower and walking into the bedroom, I see the broken glass on the floor from the picture I threw last night. Bending down to pick it up, I shake the extra glass off the frame as I look at the picture, sniffling before setting it on the table where my television was. _"I miss you everyday, Mark_" I whispered to again a empty room before I decided to get ready for work. Today was going to be filled of doing every possible thing to avoid Arizona. Why can't she just go back to Africa or something? Then, with her being half way across the world it would maybe make the fact she fully broke me, the first person to actually be able to fully break me, sting a bit less because I wouldn't have to se her anymore.

_"5:58"_ I checked the time quickly before shutting off my car in the parking lot of the hospital, opening the door before gathering my things out of the passanger's seat and getting ready to head inside. Taking my hip and hitting my door shut, I somehow managed to hit the automatic lock on the keys as I heard someone call my name. Turning my head, I sniffle and force a small smile across my lips as I watched Miranda Bailey, hands full and barely being able to see, walking quickly towards me. Ever since the Richard's accident when the superstorm happened, Bailey has been handling his workload and hers. Ben flew home for a few months to help her with Tucker and everything; she was more of a workaholic like I was. At the same time, Bailey was the closest thing I had to a friend here since what happened with Mark and Addison being in California.

_"You alright? You look like you were either up all night or you've been crying"_ The one thing I really hated about Bailey is that she always knew when something was wrong. She was also the one person, despite not liking to get involved in people's personal lives, always asked me if I was okay. The honest truth was that I was a wreck and when Sofia wasn't home I barely could find the energy and courage to get out of bed, and it scares me to think what my mindframe would be if Sofia wasn't around, but I can't tell Bailey that, so I just lie like I do to everyone else I ask.

_"Yeah, I'm just tired. I got into this show on television last night and was up late_" Deep down, I think Bailey always knew I was lying and she knew I wasn't okay, but at least she wasn't the one to pressure me into talking about my feelings. As we reacted the doors to the hospital, I managed to move things around in my arms to open the door for Bailey, her nodding her head as she walked by while speaking.

_"You're alright? Whatever you say, Torres_" Letting out a heavy sigh as I walked into the hospital, I rolled my eyes while walking towards the elevator. I knew she knew I was lying, but at least she doesn't pester. Forcing a smile on my face as some random stranger, I guess someone who is just here, hit the elevator button for me as I just nodded my thanks. I don't talk much these days when I'm at work, it's odd because I used to talk so much to everyone and about just about everything. But these days, I have nothing to say, I think I'm honestly too broken to hold a general conversation with someone unless it's anything about Ortho. I don't want to hear about people's happy lives and how they have their whole families and their best friend and their lives didn't fall apart. Don't get me wrong, I never want anyone to go through what I've had to endure the last few months, but I also don't want to hear about your happy little lives. The elevator door opened as my eyes laid on someone else who is always asking if I was okay - Derek Shepard. Derek and I have a unique bond because of Mark and Zola and Sofia have playdates and things, but he's not someone I would talk to something personal about..well except that night when I thought Arizona and I would have sex after Bailey's wedding; but that was a one time situation. I wouldn't talk to him about personal things otherwise, and I really don't want to talk to him about this. Giving a soft smile to him as I walked into the elevator the door shut and it left just him and I as it started moving - just my damn luck.

_"How are you doing, Torres? How is Sofia?"_

_"She's great, Arizona picked her up last night for a couple days. And I'm just tired. How's Zola and the baby?"_

_"They are wonderful, thank you for asking. Arizona picked her up from your apartment? Are you alright?_" As the words escaped his lips, the elevator door opened as I quickly rushed out of the elevator without answering his question. Was it rude? Probably, but I just don't want everyone asking how I am, because I feel like if I honestly go off on my true feelings and how I truly feel someone may try to commit me into the psych ward, and I have a job to work and a toddler to take care of. Walking as quick as my heels could to my office, I juggled my files and everything in my hand to open the door, hitting it with my knee to open the door wider as I walked in and ploped everything in my hands down on my desk. Walking around, I saw a cup of coffee and a piece of poundcake sitting on my desk with a little note, my hands balling up into fists as I wasn't sure just to cry or go and throw everything in her face. Grabbing the note off my desk, I read it quickly while shaking my head.

_"Figured you would need some after last night. - Ari"_

Grabbing the coffee and the piece of poundcake, I stormed out of my office and walked down the hallway, my heels loudly clicking in the hallway as I quickly reached where I was going. Not even knocking, because what else could I see behind this door that I already don't know about, I opened the door to see her sitting at her desk working on some papers. I wanted to throw the coffee in her face, but at the same time I just want to kiss her. Why can't I hate her?

_"I don't want your coffee or your cake, Arizona, so you can keep it or whatever. I don't want anything from you if it's not for Sofia, okay?"_ Setting it down on the desk, I turned to walk away as I heard her whisper that damn name off her lips. Stopping dead in my tracks, the name ran through me and tore at my heart strings. Turning around slowly, my eyes filling with tears as I looked at her while trying to hold my composure. _"I told you, stop calling me Calliope. You lost that right"_

_"Calliope let me.."_

_"I SAID STOP"_ I didn't even realize I screamed until Arizona's eyes grew wide. My hands were shaking because I was so mad and upset and defeated and just...tired. _"Stop calling me Calliope. We don't have to do this...we don't..have to toture ourselves anymore. If you don't want me anymore..just..say it. I...I'm a big girl I've...been through this before."_ Sobbing as I spoke, I watched Arizona slowly get up from her desk and walk around it, grabbing some tissues from her desk as she handed them to me. Pushing her hand away, I sniffled and let out a small gasp, trying not to fall to my knees sobbing.

_"Callio..Callie. What I did was wrong. Everything I've done has been a huge mistake and for that I'm sorry. If you need me to say I'm sorry everyday I will, because I truly am. I can't sleep, I can't look at myself in the mirror because I hurt you in a way I promised I never would. I wish I could take it all back, but I can't. I never should've screamed at you that night and I never should've taken out all my ange..."_

_"You never even told me why. You yelled at me to the point we were both sobbing, you went so low as to say I should get you a bonesaw and you could cut off my leg. You kept saying I didn't lose anything, but you never told me why. Was I not enough for you anymore?"_ If I don't deserve anything else from Arizona, I deserve to know why she did this to me. Everything we've been through - Africa, the car accident, my parents when it came to us getting married, the plane crash and everything in between. After everything we been through I deserved to know that.

_"It's not that, Callie. It was someone besides my wife finding me attractive even with my leg"_ Them words riped my heart apart. "Someone besides my wife" She really said that, she really had the guts to say that to my face? Letting out a loud sob as I just started crying loudly, the sound of the sobs echoing in her office as I reached behind my neck and under my hair, unhooking the one thing I still wore of hers. The necklace we had got each other for Valentine's Day a few years ago, the one thing I couldn't take off because it meant the world to me suddenly became so easy with that comment. My hands were sweaty, my knees were shaking as I unhooked the necklace and had it in my hand. Looking down at it, my tears fell down in my hand as I looked at Arizona, leaning over to place it in the pocket of her scrub top and spoke softly, crying so hard I could barely breathe.

_"Then give this to her since your wife's opinion isn't good enough for you anymore - since I'm not good enough for you anymore" _I have never felt so low in my life as I did in that moment. I just wanted to disappear and never come back. Turning to walk away, I knew I was going to have to basically run to my office to avoid people asking me what was wrong; even then it would be hard. As I turned to walk away, I felt her hand gently grab my wrist as I gasped for air, sniffling as I turned around to demand she let me go and just leave me alone. Turning around I got lost in her eyes like I did that night in the bar, her beautiful blue eyes that sparkle like the sky on a star filled night.

I got lost in them until I felt her lips against min_e._


	3. Chapter 3

Her lips felt so soft and warm, I missed how perfectly they fit against mine. I've wanted a kiss from her for so long, a simple kiss, and now that I finally had it all I could think about was when she was kissing Lauren. Pushing her away, I shook my head as I watched her try to grab my hands. She really thinks we can just go back to how everything was? She thinks I can just forget that she had sex with another woman because she made her feel "beautiful" when **all** I've tried to do since the plane accident was make her feel beautiful? Honestly? I wish I could just forget and move on, Arizona and Sofia are the only family I have ever since Mark's death, but I just...can't get that image out of my mind. Lauren had Arizona's scrub top on and her ring..was on Lauren. I don't know what happened between them two, nor do I want to know, but the scrub top was a dead giveaway for sex and I can't just forgive that. Backing up away from her, my vision started to get blurry before the tears slowly fell down my cheeks. _"I can't"_

_"Calliope..."_

_"I SAID STOP" _ Doesn't she get that? She lost that right the second she kissed Lauren, she doesn't get to call me her little Calliope anymore, because I'm not her little Calliope...I'm no ones little Calliope anymore...

_"We can move past this, we did when you slept with Mark.."_ Is she seriously comparing her cheating on me when we are MARRIED to when I slept with Mark was I was single and she was in Africa?! Suddendly, the tears stopped falling and my sadness turned into rage. She had the balls to sit here and bring Mark up a month after she said I hadn't lost anything. Backing up away from her more, I start a pace back and forth as I didn't really give a damn what else she had to say, I don't want to hear it because that comment crossed the line.

_"How dare you..."_ I whispered finally, breaking the silence between us as I just paced back and forth in this small area of her office. _"You have the balls to compare what thilthy thing you did while you were married to me having sex as a single woman? Remember what drove me to Mark, Arizona? You remember? You RAN AWAY TO AFRIC, remember? Y ahora quiere sacar el tema like they are the same thing when they are más allá diferente. Acéptalo, Arizona you screwed up and you lost the best maldita cosa en su vida! Dejé a mi familia for you, I gave up my own mother being at my wedding FOR YOU. I gave up my trust fund y mi seguridad financiera para usted y así es como me lo agradeces?!" _I knew I was yelling, and I knew that Latina fire was coming out, and I know Arizona would only understand half of what I was saying, but I honestly don't care. Her comparing this to what happened between Mark and I pushed me over the edge. I don't even care anymore. _"You made this bed, Arizona, now you can lie in it. And when Sofia asks why you and I aren't together anymore you can tell her lo que tenía que ir a otra mujer porque su madre no era lo suficientemente bueno! You talked about cutting off my leg to even the score? Nada me gustaría más then to punch you in the face una y otra vez para que pueda sentirse un poco el dolor I've been going through! I get you lost your legPero tú no eres el único que PERDIDO ALGO. The difference is I'm not going around throwing myself at anyone who gives me the time of day! I'm done here. As far as I'm concerned, unless ir has to do with Sofia, I'm done with you"_

_"Te quiero, Calliope" _She thinks she's funny talking Spanish to me? She thinks she's funny saying she loves me. Walking up to her, I lean in real close as I hoped me saying this straight foward and in English maybe it would get through her head.

_"If you loved me, you never would've kissed her. I am done"_ Turning around to walk away, I quickly left her office before anything else could be said. I have nothing left to say, I actually have nothing left but Sofia. If it wasn't for her I hate to see where I would be right now. I know people heard me screaming at her in her office, I felt the looks at me as I stormed down the hallway and back to my office. I heard the whispers from my co-workers, that's all they ever did when I was around anymore. They always wanted to know if I was stable after Mark's death, or after Arizona's cheating got out and everyone found out. Everyone wanted to whisper in their cliques but no one wanted to actually have the guts to ask. Walking as quick as I could to my office, I opened the door and shut it behind me, walking towards my desk as I sat down while pulling out my phone. I needed to get out of this hospital for a bit, just to get my mind together before I dealt with the rest of the day. Sliding my thumb over my Androd, I found the number of the only attending I know would cover me for a bit without asking so many questions.

_"Yang, can you cover me for a hour? I need to run somewhere"_ Sending the text, I know Cristina would say yes, so I took off my lab coat and put on my leather jacket. I remember when Arizona bought this for our anniversary last year due to the huge rip in my sleeve from helping Mark move some things. No sooner had I got my jacket on, my phone vibated on the desk as I walked over to check the message.

_"Sure. But only for a hour, I got an gastric bypass in a hour and a half. Don't be late, Torres"_

Cristina was one of the things that would never change in my life, our odd and unique friendship was one of the few things in my life that I knew would always remain the same. Grabbing my phone, I pull my keys out of my pocket before exiting my office and deciding to go down the stairs instead of the elevator. I needed to go talk to the one person who would always listen no matter what was going on - even if he couldn't give me his opinion anymore.

About 15 minutes later, I stopped my Thunderbird on a small road in the graveyard where Lexie and Mark were both buried. Getting out of the car, a shiver went down my spine as the Seattle wind blew gently, my hands going into my jacket pockets as I took a small walk along the grass to his tombstone. There are days where it still doesn't seem real, days where I'm waiting for him to come through my door half naked asking for shampoo or something. I'm still waiting for him to pull Arizona to the side and yell at her about cheating on me, but all I have are the fond memories I have with him, and our beautiful child. Sitting down on the cold ground, I leaned my hand over to run my fingertips over the engraving in the tombstone. "Mark Everett Sloan" Arizona may have never fully come to terms that I cut off her leg, well to her I did, because I don't have the heart to tell her that Karev actually did the surgery and I just made the call, but I never came to terms with the death of my best friend.

_"I still wait for you to come through my door saying you need shampoo or you want some French Toast, too"_ I softly spoke, playing with the ends of my loose curls as I tried to form the words to speak. It wasn't the same as talking to him and him giving me his opinion on whatever we was discussing, but it was still something, right? _"Sofia misses you, she misses you so much, Mark. She sleeps with one of your t shirts every night. I...miss you. This would be a bit easier if you were around. If you could sit here and be here and tell me everything is going to be alright, because I'm not sure anymore. I love her, I still love her more than anything in this world. I still consider her my wife, but can I even do that anymore? She cheated, Mark, she slept with a complete stranger because she gave her the time of day and I...it kills me. I feel like I'm not good enough for her anymore"_ Chuckling softly, this is the part where I knew he would say I was a catch to anyone in the world and that I was fine just the way I was. Then he would hug me and talk about our plans with Sofia for the weekend. Instead I'm sitting here venting to his grave and wishing he was still here.

_"Everyone keeps asking if I'm okay, well before Arizona cheated and everyone found out, everyone asked if I was okay to work because of you being gone and I said I was. But, the reality is I'm not. It kills me everyday knowing you're gone. Someone moved into your apartment a couple days ago and when they knocked on my door to say hello I slammed the door in their face. That was your place, and to me it will always be your place, so whoever will live there after you just shouldn't try speaking to me" _Was it cold? Yeah, and I'm not that type of person, but that would always be Mark's apartment to me, I don't care who buys it. All this change in the last few months has been too much and it's slowly eating me alive. The small breeze got a bit stronger, closing my eyes I imagined it was Mark being here in his own special way. That was another thing that haunted me in my dreams at night, Derek and I being there during Mark's finals moments, his hand growing chilly as I held it minutes after we took him off life support. Derek, God love Derek, he was trying to be strong for me but I knew he was taking it hard too. The still image of the monitor reading nothing from his body was forever burned into my mind, and no matter how hard I tried it was still in there. My mind just kept going between that and the fight with Arizona after I found out about Lauren; Arizona's words echoing through my mind. _"You didn't lose anything"_

_"How could she..." _I started to whisper, placing my head in my hands as a quiet sob escaped my lips. _"How could you..." _I know it was out of his control, and I know if he could he would still be here, he wouldn't have left Sofia and I alone. _"I just keep asking why, and no one has an answer. Arizona...she says it's because Lauren made her feel beautiful, but I tried so hard...God I tried so hard, Mark" _Keeping my hands over my face, I let the tears fall into my hands and let my hands muffle my sobs. This is the exact reason I try not to talk about things like this, because when I do I just fall apart. Moving my hands and wiping my eyes in the process, I lean up to rest my hands on his tombstone, gliding my fingers across it while my lip quivered. _"You were always so stubborn, Mark, why couldn't you just fight this" _Resting my forehead against the tombstone, I felt the tearsfall freely and hard from my eyes as the wind made them cold and pushed them away. Leaning back to a sitting position, I chuckled softly while thinking this was him being here in his own special way, too. He always hated to see me cry.

_"I'll never let Sofia forget about her papi, I promise"_ No sooner had them words escaped my lips I heard my phone start to ring; no way it was already an hour. Pulling it out, I groaned as Arizona's name popped up, a picture of us kissing was also there under her name _"Mental note, change that_" I spoke outloud, answering it with an attitude and obvious annoyance. _"I told you not to call me unless it was about Sofia, Arizona"_ The words she spoke after made me numb, pushing myself off the ground as I ran to my car as fast as my wobbly legs could carry me. Part of me hoped that this was just a sick joke in Arizona's mind to get me somewhere to put more of a sob story on me. I also knew Arizona never would joke about something like this.

_"I went to find you and Yang said you left, come back...it's about Sofia." _


End file.
